When people think “conversation,” it’s usually thought of as a near 50/50 exchange; I talk, then you talk, then I talk, then you talk, and so on.
This is usually how it goes. While I’m talking, you’re thinking about how you’re going to respond. But did you even hear what I said?
I am beginning to find that a significant majority of good conversation is spent Listening. How do you already have a response to a sentence that I haven’t even finished?
Once I became aware of this, I realized how little quality conversations I really experience. Understanding the importance of Listening taught me that I frequently end up in conversations during which I give up on the talking part. Not necessarily a negative thing, but I know that this person has no interest or patience to listen to what I’m saying and I am just here for them to satisfy the urge to talk. That’s fine, I don’t mind. But I’m not going to get a word in.
It’s actually a great practice: Deep Listening. Release the urge to speak and truly Listen to what the other person is saying. Allow yourself to be fully absorbed into the world of this person’s mind — really hear what they’re trying to communicate. It’s okay if you don’t immediately have a response. It’s okay to take a moment to soak in what they have told you. And it’s okay if while you’re taking a moment to soak it in, they begin to talk again.
The pressure that we allow to come from our very natural human urge to share our thoughts creates blockages for the information we’re supposed to be receiving. Conversation shouldn’t be full of pressure. You’ll find that when conversing, the other person more than likely isn’t talking to hear what you’re going to say; they’re talking to get thoughts out of their head.
The closest you’ll get to understanding anything about anyone is through Deep Listening.
Some people are great at talking. Some people will always have profound, insightful responses to whatever’s being said. But how good are these responses if they were curated during a moment when it would’ve been better to be Listening?
What do you think is the difference between finishing someone else’s sentence in your head and getting ready to respond, and Deeply Listening to them before constructing your response? How much more of this person’s mind and true intentions will you be able to soak up if you let go of the impulse to answer? How much more will you notice about their word choice, body language, eye contact, and tone that will give you a deeper understanding of what they’re really trying to say?
Conversation is a two way street that is far too often driven down like a one-way.
With each person who recognizes the importance of Listening, we move a little bit closer to having quality conversations all around.
Good conversation happens between insightful talkers.
Great conversation happens between deep listeners.
Have a blessed day.
