Is Sapiosexuality Valid?

No, but it stems from something real.

Z Neutral
3 min readAug 2, 2021
via Unsplash

Every day, new sexualities are born. In Gen Z’s endless inward-spiraling analysis of one’s identity, parts of one’s self are compartmentalized further and further until there is a new mental illness for every quirk and a new sexual orientation for every connection.

One of these new sexual orientations is called Sapiosexual.

Sapiosexual is defined as a person who finds intelligence sexually arousing or attractive.

For most people, especially people who are not in Gen Z, the immediate reaction is a chuckle followed by a total dismissal of this new “sexuality.” Isn’t everyone attracted to intelligence? Doesn’t everyone consider themself an “Intellectual” on some level?

I would agree to an extent — creating an entire sexual orientation around a single personality trait that one is typically attracted to is absurd; however, I do think that the creation of Sapiosexuality stems from a seed of reality.

Think of a game of ping pong. There are several rounds where you serve and the other person misses, and vice versa. After a few tries, you and your opponent find yourselves in a groove of smooth, consistent passes to each other and the game feels like it could go on forever.

Often times, talking to people can feel like those first few rounds. You say something, and they say, “yeah, I feel you,” and that’s that. They’ll say something, and you’ll say “yeah, I know what you mean,” and the conversation ends. You are pitching the topic and it goes over their heads; they pass you an idea and it bounces off the table.

Occasionally, you’ll talk to someone who thinks as deeply as you, analyzing topics at the same pace. There is an intellectual “click” that feels like a good game of ping pong; you pass ideas back and forth, steadily bouncing points off of each other until you reach the bigger picture at the same time.

If you’ve ever talked to a self-proclaimed “Deep Thinker,” you’ll know that many people believe that pondering the purpose of your existence classifies you as one of the greatest philosophers of our time. On the contrary, for many people, pondering one’s existence is just the tip of the iceberg.

There is a much richer form of thinking that yes, touches on pondering one’s existence, but extends way beyond just the big picture questions like “why are we here?”

You’ll find in some people’s minds that the question isn’t simply “why are we here?” but “why is anything anywhere?”

The baseline of thinking includes a general analysis of every topic. There is a natural line of questioning that follows any observation that considers the object's purpose, which precedes a further breakdown of the presented purpose and the true intention behind the object.

This is shown through constant questioning of everything around them, whether it’s people, the media, infrastructure, technology, education, or literally anything else. “Why is that there?” and “why is that actually there?” There is a skepticism that separates what they’ve been told from what they believe to be true.

Now, I’m not a mind reader, but I would love to believe that everyone shares this skepticism, even if it’s to a minimal extent. And I think the birth of Sapiosexuality stems from finding someone whose level of skepticism syncs with yours, and in talking to them you find a ping pong game that seems to go on forever.