“…and lastly, when is your birthday?” I ask the customer in front of me, filling out her registration. She is looking at her phone.
There is a long pause as she processes the simple question.
“Oh! February 2nd.” Finally.
I’ve become so used to technology that I expect a moment of buffering both in online videos, and real life interactions. (I typically visualize a loading symbol above the person’s head during these pauses.)
When people are on their phones while speaking to you, it’s like using a hotspot. Their mental processing power is hoarded by their device, and whatever is left is what goes to you. Expect slow service.
There is so frequently a pause in between and throughout what would otherwise be a seamless conversation. You may be speaking to someone who, for whatever reason, hasn’t put their phone down. Someone who’s attention is so divided between their screen and the actual human being in front of them, that when you make a statement or ask a question, it’s added to a queue of things their brain needs to process. They have to think about the meme they’re looking at first, then they’ll think about what you said.
When people are on their phones while interacting with you, the technological element takes over the conversation and your words are treated as texts — in other words, don’t expect a response right away.
It may seem like a small thing because hey, we’re all on our phones all the time. But if it’s not a habit to put your phone down while someone is speaking to you, you are failing to realize that the amount of attention they are receiving from you has dropped in half, if not less.
It’s noticeable.
It’s way more noticeable to the person who has to compete with the device for attention than for the person who has the device in hand, and is receiving an overload of stimulation from both the phone and the person in front of them.
This isn’t a diss to smartphones or social media. This isn’t even really about technology.
This is about etiquette.
Technology has fulfilled several needs. What it can’t fulfill is the need for human connection.
And I mean, actual human connection.
Human connection that isn’t interrupted by a screen.
Technology has done a great deal to connect us. We now have access to virtually any other alive human on the planet; however, that connection is only a substitute for real human connection — it doesn’t replace it. Human connection is the ultimate goal and technology only serves to help us get there through the ability to communicate with people without their physical presence, typically in order to organize an opportunity to experience their physical presence. The goal is human-to-human, not human-to-phone-to-human.
If you have access to a screen of entertainment 100% of the time, and you have a person dedicating some of their limited time of this earth (even if it’s just a minute, and even if it’s not particularly what they want to be doing) connecting with the person is more valuable. You don’t have access to this person 100% of the time. Even if it’s a stranger who stroke up a conversation with you, there is limitless potential for what you can learn from them — probably more in that moment than whatever you’re looking at on your phone.
When you’re on your death bed, will you be thinking of likes and comments, or the people you love? Imagine your moment of death, when your life flashes before your eyes. Imagine that all you see is a rectangle that shows different levels of Candy Crush and endless scrolling while real life happens in the background.
I’d like to reiterate that I’m not saying technology is bad or that there’s nothing to learn from looking at your phone.
All I’m saying is that if someone is talking to you, put your phone down.
The more people who practice this etiquette, the more connected we will be. Utilizing both technology and human connection to their maximum potential will keep us clear on what our goals are as beings. To connect.
Let’s get rid of the human buffer, and leave the loading screens to YouTube videos.
Have a blessed day.
